Keep Struggling, Keep Learning
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Join our free workshop!
Friday, January 3, 2025 at 12 PM PDT
Often, we view our kids' challenging behaviors as a deficit, willful defiance, or a problem that can be solved with punishment or consequences. In many cases, our kids just don't have the skills to behave productively. This free workshop will help you to reframe behaviors as skills and teach your child to learn the skills in a positive, conflict-free manner.
the heart of the matter
We are in the last week of 2024. If you read this newsletter regularly, you know that this has been the toughest year of my life. I find myself reflecting on all the tribulations, frustrations, and tears. All the moments when I thought I couldn’t handle more, until more showed up at my door. My younger son’s temporary physical disability has reshaped how we approach daily life. My older son’s mental health has me grappling with how to best support them. Chris and I have faced struggles in our marriage, as stress made it harder to stay on the same page.
It’s not the story I’d write if I could control the plot—but it’s the story we’re living. And strangely enough, I’ve found myself feeling grateful for the struggle. In the last few weeks, I’ve found a greater sense of peace. This year has shifted how I parent. I’m focusing less on behavior and more on understanding what’s driving it. For my older son, ADHD and anxiety are steering the ship more than defiance or bad intentions. Setting boundaries has become less about threats and more about partnership—collaborating with my kids to find the best solutions.
Recently, we sat down as a family to brainstorm a list of chores and assign them together. Everyone felt a little spark of ownership, and, for the first time, my kids tackled their tasks with enthusiasm. They even cleaned the litter box—a labor of love I never thought I’d see! We’re considering adding it to their resumes.
Of course, there are moments when things go sideways. Just today, one of the kids used my credit card to buy something and then lied about it. Instead of jumping straight to punishment, I gave them 10 minutes of amnesty to tell me the truth. They confessed, cried, and felt terrible. Their remorse was more effective than any lecture or consequence I could dish out. I expressed empathy, hid my credit card (because boundaries!), and we moved forward. The process reminded me that consequences speak for themselves, and my role is to guide my kids in avoiding them—not just impose them.
I’m still learning. There are days when I slip back into old habits or lose my cool. But this year has taught me that parenting isn’t about perfection. It’s about showing up—for myself, my partner, and my kids. It’s about learning how to meet my children where they are, even when that place feels impossibly far from where I want us to be.
To all of you navigating big behaviors and big emotions, I see you. This work is hard and humbling and often thankless, but it’s also the most important thing we’ll ever do. In the year ahead, I’ll be talking more about collaboration and support with our kids. I’m not in favor of soft or gentle parenting. Connection doesn’t solve everything. But at the end of the day, helping kids build the skills to navigate a tough world is much more powerful than imposing my authority. Here’s to another year of growth, resilience, and the messy, beautiful work of parenting. May we keep learning, together.
Happy Holidays! I’ll see you in the 2025!
we’re obsessed with
Olga Dies Dreaming is the best novel I’ve read in 2024. Granted, with all the reading I do around parenting and child behavior, I don’t read a lot of fiction anymore. But this book has completely captivated me. The protagonist is a millennial Latina with radical communist parents trying to make it as an event planner for the uber rich. It’s really about relationships, family, and staying true to who you are, when that “who” is complicated. I’m not millennial, Latina, or a Brooklynite but DAMN there is so much that I relate to. That’s a big part of all the fiction I love.
Leslie F*cking Jones on audiobook is unlike any book I’ve ever listened to. I don’t know what the print version of this book is like, but I can’t imagine digesting this in any form but audio. Comedian Leslie Jones “reads” this book like you are sitting in her living room listening to a barrage of side-splitting stories. She entertains herself, and her devolutions into loud cackles always get me guffawing in harmony. This book is much more than funny stories. Leslie is vulnerable about growing up in poverty, racism and sexism in the comedy field, friendship, sex, abortions, and her deep commitment to the craft of comedy. Some of the most touching moments are her struggles to come to terms with the beauty of her father’s love, set against the cruelty of his PTSD, depression, and alcoholism. Warning: She’s liberal with the f-bombs. Listen alone in the car or with headphones.
where we’ve been
We wrapped up our Youth Development Training series at Kids' Country. Our team shared effective strategies for building strong relationships, handling difficult behaviors, and fostering positive learning environments. We also engaged in role-playing exercises to reinforce these skills.
Ed Center wrapped up the Healing Circles series for nonprofit leaders, sponsored by DCYF. These powerful sessions offered a space for reflection, connection, and collective healing. Participants learned valuable tools to manage stress, build resilience, and foster supportive communities.
Book a workshop for your school or organization.
Bring The Village Well to your school or organization. We provide powerful, interactive and fun workshops for parents and/or staff. Learn more.
Ed Center, the founder of The Village Well, is a parenting coach and educator certified in the Triple P method. The Village Well is a community of parents in BIPOC families, focused on attaining more joy, calm, and meaning in family life. We coach parents to prioritize their own healing and wellness, deepen connections with their kids, and learn tools to support better behavior. Services include Parenting workshops, Parenting courses, and community events. Our support is culturally-grounded support and honors your unique family. Ready to stop yelling? Schedule a free consultation with one of our team members.
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